I love painkillers. There I said it. I feel so disgusting admitting that and I feel the wash of shame and I think about how Oxy was my whole life. I was in love and in awe of how those tiny little pills made me feel like I was floating along without care and without pain. And pain is what I wanted to avoid more than anything.
It was something that had become such a big part of my life. Oxy superseded everything else. Getting high from oxy was the most precious thing in my life. I really don’t even know how it got out of control so quick and so fast. It was all-consuming and when I hit rock bottom it was a spectacular. I had a long climb to the top and I needed a lot of help.
A doctor originally prescribed me oxytocin because I had been thrown off a horse. I was participating in equine therapy to help me with my PTSD. I was sexually assaulted in college and I suffered from horrible PTSD. I signed up for an equine therapy program to help me and one day, the horse got spooked and I fell of the horse. I slipped a disk in my back and I was in excruciating pain. My doctor prescribed me oxy to help with the pain.
So not unlike the thousands of other people that get addicted, it all started with a legitimate reason. One of the main reasons that I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten was because my doctor has “approved” of me using oxy. But what my doctor didn’t know and what a lot of people didn’t know was how many of these pills I was taking and how I was consuming them. It got to the point where I could not function without them. I couldn’t get out of bed without them.
My friends and family saw a drastic change in me and at first couldn’t pinpoint what was going on. They knew that I was in therapy and that I got hurt while on a horse but they never knew the whole story. They didn’t know about the sexual assault and the oxy, and they didn’t know my dependence on it. I was completely unaware of how addictive oxy could be and so I very quickly feel into my addiction.
My family had an intervention after my parents had discovered that I had been stealing money from them. I had started running through my prescription at an alarming rate and started to buy the pills off the street. At first I was taking just a few dollars here but soon I was stealing jewelry to pawn for cash. My parents started noticing items missing and put two and two together. When they confronted, I felt absolute shame and I decided that I needed help.
Kratom was something that I had never heard of before I started my journey to sobriety. I started attending Narcotics Anonymous and joined an online addiction forum for support. I needed support and I liked the idea of anonymous people stepping forward to give advice. I felt like I wasn’t being judged. People would give advice on the forum for what worked for them. Addiction is something that never really goes away and every day is a fight to reject oxy. A fellow forum user told me about a company called Club13 Herbals and Kratom.
When I found out about Kratom, I decided to research it. I found a lot of mixed information about it online but one thing I kept coming across was that the people who used it, felt like it really helped with get through their pain. Then one thing I had not managed to find a solution for was my chronic back pain. When someone suggested Kratom, I was to the point where I was willing to try something new to help me manage my pain.
Since my online friend had recommended Club13.com, I just decided to give their Kratom a try. I bought the capsules and took them as directed. They definitely helped to alleviate my pain but I also felt calm and relaxed for the first time in a long time. Kratom was a huge help and it never made me feel the same way opioids did. One of the complaints that the government has about Kratom is that it has the potential to be addictive just like opioids. Personally, I have not experienced any of the same symptoms and dependency like I did with oxy. In fact, the days I don’t use Kratom, I don’t feel any withdrawal symptoms.
I have been reading up about Kratom and how the government wants to ban it. I am devastated by this. Kratom has done something that I didn’t think was possible and now it could be banned in my state. There are people are fighting against it. My story is not unusual and a lot of people feel the same way about Kratom. There is still not enough research to say whether Kratom is as addictive as the government says that it is but all I know is that I haven’t missed oxy since using Kratom.
I loved my oxy. It was my whole life at one point. I know that I will never escape my addiction. I will never be able to outrun my love of getting high but I can make decisions that help me to not fall victim to that love of the high again. Kratom has been a huge help in curbing my cravings and I believe it could help others with stories like mine. I am praying that it doesn’t get banned. I will fight to make sure that it doesn’t get banned because it is one of the only things helping on this difficult journey.